matt is fun
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
  What Ben Domenech had written on the topic of partying before he decided to steal P.J. O'Rourke's party story.

So, you may know about the now resigned Washington Post Blogger, Ben Domenech.

Apparently in dec. of 2000 under lots of pressure from his college news paper to put out the great American Account of "Real Parties," Domenech cracked and just stole funnyman (sic) P. J. O’Rourke’s party story-- a very self destructive move for a future gurrrnalist. So why would someone do something like this?

The following is a draft, showing us what the earlier pre-plagiarized party story looked like. Its quality (or lack t/o) gives us some insight into why a young man would choose to steal a PJ O’Rourke story over composing his own.

...............................................................................................

An Expert Article on Partying by the Party Expert Himself

By:

Ben Domenech (Party Expert)

Contrasting Real and Fake Parties:

Real Parties are very, very, very, very fun.
Fake parties are not even parties… at all.

At a real party you will stay up late and make fun of Clinton’s welfare state and eat muchies (like combos, or Rold-Gold Pretzels, or cereal snacks).
At a fake party, you will be asleep and therefore not eating anything, and probably also not even dreaming about how welfare is so bad.

At a real party there are no taxes.
At a fake party you have to pay taxes, which impinge on your liberty.

Each of the following items will never be idenitcal to a "real party" due to categorical differences:

Cars
Fevers
Gerunds
Redskins
Personalities
Retrograde Motion

Party Etiquette:

Never have a party alone.
Never copy someone else’s party, for that would be a fake party, even if it otherwise had the qualities of a real party.
Never give handouts, government or otherwise.
Never have a pizza party with not enough pizzas for all of the magic card players.

Whom to invite:

People who can party a lot, cuz partying is cool.
Promise Keepers
Funnyman P.J. O’Rourke, cuz his book that I am reading now is so funny and cool.
People who know to use the word “whom” in cases where the pronoun “who” is not nominative (like I did above).
People who will bring Final Fantasy games and toys.
The University of Richmond
Pat Robertson
Your Parents

Whom not to invite:

Lawyers
Curse word users
The Party of Death
Gays
“Affirmative Action Recipients”
Communists
SoreLosermans

Music:

A reasonable volume is expected by all guests, so that inter-guest-conversation is not disturbed. As for musical content, allow me to recommend Ben Folds Five, for their excellent song that condemns abortion, “Brick.” (Note to reader: Your party will last longer than this song, so plan to include other Ben Folds Five songs, or to play this one a few times over).

Thank You Notes:

Never copy someone else’s thank you note, even if it clearly gets your point across better and makes you look cooler to other people than the note you were going to write. Don’t do it, even if there is a note there in front of you that you are looking at, and it is very good (like even if P.J. O’Rourke wrote it), and you are getting pressure from other people to write the note, and what you have already written is not that good.

But you must write a thank you note, or else it looks bad.

 
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